The fascinating part about relationships is that you ONLY every have a relationship with yourself!
Relationships bind our human experience and make it very special. We as humans crave relationship and connection with others – it’s the biggest need we have. Deprive someone of human contact for extended periods and mental health suffers.
You would think though that with it being such an important facet of human existence that there would be clear education programmes in place to support the growth of healthy relationships. Sadly not much exists. We are all left to wander the swampy mire of human living in our attempt to find the best way to relate to others.
There are so many types and classes of relationships, each with it’s own set of protocols making things very complicated … and yet things can be simple.
The way to simplify relationships is to realises you are ONLY ever having a relationship with yourself! Relationships are a simple mirror – they reflect us and nothing more. So if you are only having a relationship with yourself then things are a lot simpler – you only need to manage yourself!
When you get embroiled in the tangle of relationships, it can be hard at first to untangle yourself from someone else’s experience or contribution to the relationship you are having, making it hard to see yourself in the interaction. And yet with practice, and agreed communication protocols in place, it can get easier and easier.
Most of us have never been taught to monitor, manage and reflect on our own energy. If we do not know ourselves and how our own energy flows, when we are involved with others we can get out of focus very fast.
Right now my youngest daughter is three years old and is going through the ‘little madam’ stage of development. In her world there is ONLY her and her needs! As a parent I want her to grow up with her self-esteem intact so I have to find new ways of working with her. I use many tools and sometimes I use old fashioned but effective tools like raising my voice. As I raise my voice I say to her, “can you hear that I am raising my voice because I feel you are not listening to me and what I am saying is important so I do want your attention!” Now you may feel that this is complicate for a three year old to understand – but it is not. She clearly understand the energy I am putting forward : firmness but with a willingness to work with her to achieve a great outcome. And as she gets older she will connect more with the words being used as well.
As we learn, and teach communication and energy management skills, our relationships improve but they will always be a work in progress!
Watch out for part 2 in the series in the near future.